And what happened after ..

'Tis bad, this feeling. The loneliness is somewhat coming back again, and not helped that my parents will be away for the night. They're off to JB to attend a wake, and here I am, blogging multiple times a day.

It's the boredom. Aaron wasn't free for gardening today, so I ended up giving my car a polish in the afternoon. Basically I talked to yx till 3pm today, and we played online games like Bejewelled 2 and Bespelled. Very nasty sort of life - usually my sundays would be spent with yx and brownie, just hanging around in the room, watching rented VCDs and munching on stuff. Free days get awfully long, suddenly. And there's not much to do - I can't do much gardening, it's perpetually wet. I can't change my fish tank water, I've run out of salt and it'll set me back by $110 a box. I'm not in the mood to play either the organ or guzheng, I'm sick of the few VCDs I have and am not about to watch violent VCD shows like Saw, which xuan lent me. I feel strange about reading my texts on a sunday as I already did quite a bit last night, and honestly I feel lethargic about it. What is there to do? Shopping alone?

Yep. That's loneliness. Come think of it, through all these years, I've never really gone out with friends on a regular basis.

8 years ago I'd be spending 2 weekdays at Marina Yamaha music school rehearsing for performances, Sat at Clementi Yamaha for my group lessons and Sundays at Bukit Panjang Yamaha for individual lessons. That, and Fridays in TCHS with the string orch. Pretty music-y phase in life.

Some 7 years ago Ken would drive over to my place each Sunday and we'd go visit pet places like Serangoon North or some freshwater aquarium in Tiong Bahru, but now he hasn't got a car and his Sundays are usually spent with his newly-wed.

Some 6 years ago I'd spend my Sundays hanging out with fellow carnivorous plant growers, visiting native CP sites and having plant-ish talks and visits to show off each other's plants.

5 years ago every Sun would be spent at the TCHS Alumni building having guzheng lessons with my family, lunch at the restaurant there and family stuff in the afternoon.

And some 4 years ago I'd be blading or cycling long distances together with Nik, but now he's serving his NS and there also came a change in interest.

And a couple of years ago yx and I would visit ck or alv. once every couple of sundays, I'll be happily shopping for plants or talking plant-talk with the guys while yx and vivian would exchange horror stories about boyfriends who bring them on jungle treks and think it's a romantic date.

Actually, there's a period of time in my life - between 13 and 15, where there seemed to be an extraordinary amount of happenings going on, so much so that I can't really recall exactly in detail. Animal stuff, plant stuff .. everything. It's all so confusing now. Like when this guy and I would hang out once in a while to discuss scorpions - I'm pretty sure that was before sec 4, since he recommended me to Prof Gopal and I started working with the Prof in sec 4 - and he's now probably a practicing dentist somewhere with a nice foundation in toxinology.

All these flashbacks - a sign of death? =\ oh well.

If I were to start all over again, somewhere else, as someone else ...

Oh, this is bad. When thoughts like this come, it's a sure but early sign of impending depression. I'm going to nip it in the bud.

Shall cook tonight! Granted, I've had dinner - but still, what's to prevent me from having 2nd dinner? Muahahahaha ... YES. It shall be excellent steak tonight, with fried parsnip if I can find that. Still looking out for plaintains, I really miss yx's suitemates' cooking. Hmm .. and yx just told me that Gisselle confessed to her that I snored extremely loudly, such that she could hear it from the living room while I was sleeping .. could things get any more embarrassing than that?

On to another topic ... li qi and her blog. About my allergic dermatitis. It's really quite bad - I used to have a little of this during JC times (aaron would remember I'll always never attend the swimming lessons as I'd break out in a rash). Now it's so much worse, and the thing is, I can't figure out what the allergen is. According to my textbooks, commong stuff include anything with a benzene ring. Aromatic compounds - yes, that's confirmed. I can't use scented stuff directly on the skin. Lily pollen too - I have to remember to snip off the stamens of my lilies. The allergy is very disturbing - I'm not sure if it's a Type 4 reaction and whether it's a superantigen effect - it definitely seems to be, since almost everything causes me to break out in this angioedemous, erythemous rash. I'm thinking of keeping a bottle of histamine antagonist in my car and room, in case this applies to venoms too. Bee stings, tarantula bites, whatever. I may just die and no one would know. Perhaps this and the heart block will earn me a downgrade, so it may be a blessing in disguise after all. But not being able to use most brands of facial wash? No thanks ... my face was so swollen this morning after I applied moisturising cream to it.

Oooh .. and lilies - 2 impending lily blooms in the garden!! Lily of the Valley forming a cluster of buds, and I'm really excited. This will be the first time ever I'm seeing a Lily of the Valley. And, my voodoo lily is also budding, one gigantic flower spike is up, about 20cm high.

Well, I'm going to spend the next half hour or so trying to blog, since it's not yet dark and I hate going out when it's still bright. Topic will be anything and everything. Hmm ... Bombay Sapphire gin is grinning at me from the table, I'm tempted to have a glass or 2 but if I'm going to hospital tomorrow morning, I'd better not. Totally unprofessional. Still a tonne of saffron in my fridge, shall see if aaron's keen on trying out paella at CHIJMES and after that I can try making it too. Need to use the saffron up, somehow. Maybe another bout of bouillabaisse. The trouble with that is, saffron is so powerfully aromatic it takes only a couple of stamens to spike the entire potful of soup. So I guess it'll be an eternity before I finish that bottle up.

And I think I know why I started feeling paternal. I'm guessing it's the rose tea I took yesterday. Well, still feeling that way today. Kids ... coming back from school and calling me, "Daddy!" and running to hug me.

OH F*. Just what the F* is wrong with me now.

shit .. this may be a case of frontal lobe injury. Change in character. I might then eventually taking on the characteristics of the alpha male and end up being in general surgery (at this moment, NO WAY ... stupid obnoxious stuck-up ...... nvm. just in case a surgeon reads this.)

Had this same bout of loneliness last night, aaron suggested I go blading, which was what I did do eventually. It was bad. Pre-exams I could do 4 laps round east coast park, but last night I promptly collapsed after 2. Shirt was soaked, could squeeze water out of it and fill a tequila glass at least. Still, it felt good. People checking me out. =D My goodness, I do sound alpha male-ish. Yep, it's confirmed. Frontal lobe injury, possibly a space-occupying lesion or abscess.

Heck, I'm going grocery-shopping now, I don't care. Cooking makes me feel happy, and I shall stop this depression quick. Visited the temple yesterday, but still have no bought astroturf for Phantom. Maybe I'll feed her tonight, just as a treat. Oh, and the mice had it good yesterday. Fed them Colby cheese which I brought back from Wisconsin! Well I was eating the cheese and surveying my animals, and the cavy and mice looked so hungry I gave them a treat. Sister's guinea pig looks pretty ill though - I simply love guinea pigs. Ah .. back in those days when I had Ruffles and his pretty wife and 5 kids in a big wooden hutch in the garden, and brought them out for a nibble of grass every single sunday. Good times. Well .. that's another Sunday event; I'm currently extremely perplexed - where did all these Sundays come from? Why is it that back then, I seemed to be able to occupy every single second of my Sundays? Now, it's all empty. It must be ageing.

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