Theory of Revolving Worlds

Wanted to put an apt title to this entry, but couldn't find any that was close enough. Just suddenly, this thought came to me - that the world is actually revolving around me. Just as that very through filtered in, another burst right out - or am I revolving around the world? By saying that, I do not mean a physical entity, like flying in orbit around the globe. It's more of the environment, the things that happen which are, to me, simple articles that just dot the progression in time. Alright, incoherent speech.

It's been weird. Out of the blue, I decided to play my electone this evening after dinner, so I blasted off some 10 songs, 4 of which were recorded by other composers and players. Left Kuda Lumping till the last, as I wanted to do that one well. Started off with my old competition piece, this refurbished traditional japanese song, and gosh .. I got so disgusted by myself. It's an awful sign when my fingers get so stiff I can hardly play running notes. Then came the theme from Jurassic Park, a nice classic chamber orchestral version. Then a series of technically-difficult songs which frankly don't sound good - jazz pieces sometimes do that. Somewhere along the line, I started on the 2nd of July and the Arch of Heaven, 2 of my very favourite piano pieces - and when I glanced at the score (rarely use scores, just only for 2nd of July) I saw a date - somewhere in April 1998. Gosh, that was a LONG time ago. 7 years! Then everything started flooding back to me; memories flashed; what-ifs and coulda shoulda woulda's. How would everything have turned out if I had persued a life of music? End up an electone teacher? Shouting at students? Risking malignant hypertension by fretting over competitions?

Everything's unpredictable. When you've been treading a path for so many years and it all seems to flow to the inevitable, all of a sudden you're whisked off to a mad world of something altogether different. It was the first decision, the first step, the first resolution, that ignited a roomful of flammable material. It wasn't only a reaction in the principal event; all else along the skirts get involved too. With some effort, some only get scorched and nothing else; but we're only human .. nothing short of madness will allow anyone to save all else. It's not so much the treading of a path laid out bare - it's more of a disposition of everything in the periphery that really creates a path that we eventually walk on.

Well, for people who do come across this one, it really wouldn't make a lot of sense. How can anything that's in the form of random snippets of thoughts make any sense? How do you create substance in formless material? This is just the best I can do, and with any luck, decades down the road, I might still visit this blog and remember this period of time.

And all else will then again follow this pattern - that at this moment in time, while living in the present, a multitude of things start suffocating and oppressing and nothing ever seems easy. But yet, when things have so subtly changed, even a couple of years down when you look back at this period in time, all the days of blogging, luxurious nonsense-thinking and rambling and frivolous activities all seem like but a dream to you, and you stop and sigh, "Ah, those were the days ... I remember .... If only ... But now ...."

Carpe diem - not to just seize it, or clog it up with all sorts of things, but live every moment of it.

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